My dear younger friend. There’s no need to look up to people, because we’re all equal as humans. No one is the more rightful owner of something, more entitled to something or more worth.
Ask yourself what you think about something. What you’re up to. Think for yourself about what you like and dislike, about what you think is good and bad, nice and ugly, sweet and sour. Put your hands on your chest and feel, if you don’t know. And sometimes not knowing is fine, too.
Build your compass, figure out how you think about things, and you’ll navigate life as the driver instead of the passenger of other people’s rides.
And a bonus: Here’s my argument to parents about pedestals
Looking up to people is a modus created in our brains. Creating pedestals; hierarchy, authority: it’s a great parenting tool if you want to raise obedient kids. A hack, a shortcut in parenting. It’s not the easy road to skip shame.
Hierarchy and authority, however, is a shortcut. Appealing to hierarchy and authority, you (un)knowingly hit the shame button in a person. And shame, as Brene Brown so generously teaches us, is a hard-wired, contra-productive, emotion.
When you frequently appeal to shame in kids, this neural path becomes an unknown habit. And with that habit comes (for free!) lower self-esteem and self-worth. And if we have lower self-esteem, we automatically put other people on pedestals.
Because they are better than us. They do better than us. They have a better life. More fame. Better friendships. Better connections. Are stronger. Nicer. More beautiful. But that’s a lie.
Every “I admire him for” is an “I hate myself for”-projection. But you’re selling yourself short here
So, if you’re nervous to meet famous people, teachers, doctors, nervous to call strangers, to ask a boy if you may buy him a drink, to meet that one successful entrepreneur, to meet your boss, (the list is long)…. You need to work your self-esteem because you’ve been unknowingly shamed.
Pedestals aren’t true, they aren’t beautiful, they aren’t productive.
So parents: Don’t shame your kids. Don’t appeal to authority and hierarchy. It’s a trap, don’t fall for it.